Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
