Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
