Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
