bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
