Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Randomize