Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize