so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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