You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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