I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
