Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
