I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
