I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize