Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
