her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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