Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
