I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
