She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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