get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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