i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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