i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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