You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
