You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
