can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
she pinky promised me she was 18
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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