pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize