Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Everyone says I win the strip club
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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