hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
