you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
