forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I love you.
Bad choice
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