i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
