I CAN MOONWALK!
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Do vagina's smell?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
