THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
