Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
where are my eyebrows?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
