you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
