i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize