i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
