why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
