so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
