p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
