She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
