His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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