Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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