There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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