He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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