ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
