the new term for farting is butt boxing.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
