So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
