Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
