I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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