i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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