Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
