I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
