She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
