What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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