You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
