my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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