man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
