the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
two words: eviction party
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
