No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
These tits shall not be calmed
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
