What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I woke up under a house in Key West
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