Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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