I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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