the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
