I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
