No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
My liver just had a heart attack.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
