tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
