you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
