One girl and one boy is just not enough.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize