he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
