Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
