Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
